Today I went to visit a friend with my family.  She is older, in her 80's, sort of an adopted grandparent because my very last real grandparent lives in Florida.  Anyways, she took us to a neighbor's house, a man who is a little eccentric but very likeable and congenial. He's been working on his house since the year I was born, 1984.  It's a constant work in progress and he throws all of his passion into it.  You can see how the house is taking shape around his creative soul.

While I was there my heart was aching for him, because I could tell that he was trying to heal himself with his house, his love for nature, and his eccentricity, but to no avail.

There was a broken man there, yet he was still proud, like many of us are, or were, and so he wasn't yet ready to "lose his life in order to find it."  What I mean is that he didn't want anyone to be his master, not even someone like Jesus.  I heard from my adopted grandma that he is stubborn and will not listen to anyone who tells him about Jesus.

So my heart was aching with desire and then as we drove away and went to a pizza restaurant my heart still was burning because I felt a little bit of my Lord's passion for the wandering ones.  I thought about the time my friend James Williams told us how he prayed when he was little: "Dear God, save the whole world..."

I think I felt this passion so intensely because this past year for a certain time, I was a prodigal, and I feared hell for the first time in my life.  What I mean by hell is the slow, certain turning away from God's mercy to the point where I cannot hear him anymore, sinking into the hell of my own devices, and perhaps eternal judgement according to the typical understanding of the phrase hell.  I saw how easily I could fall away, how easy it was to reject God... and then today I thought, this man has had 50 years to reject God, no mother, no father, no brother, not even friends until he was much older.  Pain upon pain.

I see now how GREAT God's mercy is!  How do we have any chance? It's not even possible... we are absolutely helpless, wretched, unseeing people, hurt and bleeding.  We could never, on our own, suddenly find it in us, to say, "Wow, I should die to my ways and world and let God rule me."  It's not natural.  You know, in the Word, it often refers to faith with this qualifier: "the faith of God."  I find it flabbergasting that even the very most basic component to reaching out to God starts with HIM.  It's what theologians call preeminent grace.  The only reason we think of or desire God is because he is always, always, wanting us.  Think of the line in  C.S Lewis's The Silver Chair, "You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you, said the Lion."

So as we drove away I cried out in my heart to the Lord to have mercy on me and this man, to save, to save, to save... to liberate.... to free from darkness.... to awaken....to wake up! wake up! wake up!... Not to a political cause or ideology but to the LOVE of God.

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He has anointed Me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent Me to proclaim freedom to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.  He then rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant, and sat down. And the eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fixed on Him.  He began by saying to them, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing."

Luke 4:18-21

I'm writing from a little computer lab here in Madrid, Spain, where I have been studying for the past 2 months.  Nothing I could say here could quite describe what it is like to live, not just travel, to a new place.

In many ways, I've been overwhelmed by the reality of being transplanted into a new place.  That's something that hasn't been easy for me to admit.  I didn't want to think that I couldn't stand up to the pressure of being away from the people who usually support me and give me reality checks.  If I couldn't survive on me own, I thought, then maybe my whole Christian walk was a sham.  Maybe I was just relying on other people, and living in Spain was a test to purify me. 

After about a month of thinking this way, I realized I had made a big mistake.  I saw that I was trying to exert my independence and deny my need for support and fellowship.  I'm learning now that it is completely impossible to live without the lifeblood of other people who love Jesus, even for a short time. (I know that sometimes God gives people the grace to be physically without His Church, but that's very rare.) 

I wonder if there is anyone reading this letter who has gone through a similar thought process. It's really disconcerting to see our weakness when we are away from other Christians, but the solution is not to tough it out, put on a bold face, and "suffer through the trial."  NOOOO! That's the best way to get lost.  Unless God has specifically, explicitly, clearly called us to be away from fellowship for a brief period, then we have no right to avoid it, and every responsibility to look for it every crack and corner. 

I've learned this lesson the hard way, and I'm paying for it now with the confusion and sense of detachment that comes from being "cutting yourself off from the vine." I'm slowly coming back to being reconnected, but it would have been so much better to never pull the plug in the first place.  The Body of Christ is the greatest source of life, pleasure, and happiness, because it IS Christ!  We are all little-Christ's with access to the same throne, blood, power, peace, and LIFE that He had here on earth. We have connections. We know "people." We've got "friends." Don't give up meeting together, whether it's in a church building, a coffeehouse, a living room, or prison cell. If you look hard enough you will find the Bride, scattered throughout the earth, waiting to help you through your struggles. -Chris

Psalm 32:8-10

God spoke to me through this verse last night, and I realized that it expressed the desire of my heart. I don't want to be like a stupid horse that fails to realize the master has good plans for it. I don't want to fight the work of the Holy Spirit in my heart to the point that He has to discipline me. 

If I always wait until God has to severely correct me, I won't be very useful or empowered. My experience as a Christian won't be too different from the life of the wicked: "many pains." 

If I stay close to God and fight to hear his quiet voice, then my experience will be that God will "instruct me and show me the way to go." Jesus often said that he only did the will of the Father. He was guided by a whisper, not a whip. 

Praise God that He is faithful to bring a whip into our lives to keep us from falling away from Him, but how much sweeter would His whisper be?

The afternoon haze settles over the small army of workers, as they slowly will the building to life.  Great beams of steel are hoisted to dizzying heights, one after another, unfurling the building with a rhythmic cadence.  A big boss shouts unnecessary advice, and is promptly drowned out by jackhammer # 4.   What is destined to be the foyer of a great hotel is now a swirling tornado of dusty air pierced only by a shower of sparks from the welder’s torch.  High above the clamor, a lone figure kneels on the mass of steel.  Here the air is clear, and the work, meditative.  Here the man kneels, deep in thought.  One bolt to go on this beam, one more beam for the day.  There! He grasps the bolt with the deftness of a magician, slides it into place.  Take the wrench and unite it with the bolt, then turn, turn, turn.  Stop.  Something doesn’t seem right.

Hardened steel lets you know when something isn’t right.  No, keep turning, says the foreman from behind him, Hurry! It’s time to leave!  On he turns, pulling like an ox, his muscled arms bulging with anger for the delay.  Like an unruly child, the bolt wails and fights back, so the man doubles the force.  Nothing happens.  It’s too far gone, too far in, and too far wrong. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about life, which makes sense, because I like to think and life is easy to think about – it’s right in front of me.  One of the things I’ve noticed about life is that some people always seem to meet with success, while others are dogged by failure, doubt, and a vague sense of futility.  The second group is like the man in my little story.  They have some idea of what they want to do, and maybe even a “vision” for what success will taste like (i.e., completing the job for the day).  But just when you’re about to achieve success, straining with all your might, something goes wrong.   

Now for most of us, it won’t be as vivid as in my little story.  I know many people, including myself, who go through periods where there is a dark cloud over our minds.  Even if we achieve “success”, we aren’t satisfied.  Something isn’t quite right; the bolt is not turning smoothly. 

For people who have a real and intimate relationship with Jesus, these kinds of feelings should grab our attention.  They are clues to what our heart is like.  Our feelings can be deceiving, but they can also show us how we really are.  God wants our feelings, thoughts, and will, otherwise known as the “soul”, to be the servant of our spirit.  In Bible language, our soul should be “submitted” to our spirit.  The Holy Spirit in turn controls our spirit.  This way, our entire lives can be underneath the power and guidance of God!   

So, our hearts should go: Holy Spirit, spirit, soul, and then body.  When we feel frustrated and ineffective, something is probably out of order.  For myself, it’s usually because I’ve stopped relying on the Lord to help me get homework done, lead worship, be a better friend, find direction from the future, or fight against sin.  My “self” thinks: “I’ve got this one Lord – you can back off.”  My soul tries to be the driver and it kicks out the Holy Spirit!  After a while, I run myself into the ground because of how weak I am.  Going back to the story, it’s like my “bolt” has stopped turning. 

Our great friend Paul told the Corinthians about all of this.  He knew how weak we humans are.  He understood why Jesus called us “sheep.”  Relying on self-strength is always futile.  “When I came to you, brothers, announcing the testimony of God to you, I did not come with brilliance of speech or wisdom.  For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.  And I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling.   My speech and my proclamation were not with persuasive words of wisdom, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and power, so that your faith might not be based on men's wisdom but on God's power. (1 Corinthians 2:1-5) 

There is nothing that attracts the Spirit of God more than a man or woman who is really weak and needy.  (Isaiah 57:15,16)  And there is nothing that the Holy Spirit shrinks from more than someone who thinks they have what it takes.  Lack of success and effectiveness in our lives can almost always be traced back to a self-confident attitude.  The more we let go and let God, the more successful we will be.  God doesn’t do bad work with us. 

I want to tell you: this is REAL!!!  God will give you a sense of success if you are “weak and trembling” before him.  The happiest times in my life are when I feel weak and incompetent, and God powerfully works through it.  Look inside your heart and see where you feel like a failure.  I think you’ll find yourself in the driver’s seat.

Well, I’ve never been one for introductions; I like to jump right in, but for the sake of convention and other things, I’ll tell ya’ll the nutshell version.