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An Interview with Eber Rosario
Welcome to The Tonight Show I'm your host Chung Lao.

Eber Rosario.  I've had the chance to work with Eber on various skits and this guy always seems to have a knack for the moment with a funny story or comment.  He never disappoints.  His talent for impersonation will serve him well as he starts college this month.  Take it away, Eber.

Posted on September 15, 2004


Chung Lao:  Hey Eber, how are you man?

Eber:  man...im doin great, just livin my summer to the fullest before i start college 

Chung Lao:  How does it feel to be done with high school?

Eber:  im kinda lazy, so in a way it feels great, but ima miss alot of people...now I kinda feel like spacey with no farley...u get me?...cool, next question

Chung Lao:  Where are you going to college?  

Eber:  i shall be attending Cedarville University in Cedarville, Ohio. you might be wondering, what is a hispanic brotha of color like myself gonna do in such ambiance. well, ima try to fit in...yea right, the only colored person on campus tryin to "fit in" in an "all white" school. well lets not forget the jamaican b-ball player that goes to that school too, so i wont b the only colored person...alright next question.

Chung Lao:  If you come back from Ohio a Cincinatti Bengal or Cleveland Browns fan, I will have to delete this interview. 

Eber:  i give u full permission to delete this interview if that happens. plus, I never liked those two sorry teams anyways. redskins all the way.

Chung Lao:  What do you think of IndaPhatFarm.com?

Eber:  i would say that it is a very good sight and that it is very informative, but that's what everyone that u have interviewed said. but on a serious note, its a good site. i like it.

Chung Lao:  I know you play soccer, so let’s get your professional opinion.  Is Freddy Adu the real deal?

Eber:  freddy's good...look at another factor...hes african...foreign people in general r good at sports...well soccer n basketball...next question

Chung Lao:  Explain this picture please: 

Eber:  well you've probably noticed that when i see cameras...well...im just me...if a moment is gonna b cought...u gotta make it a classic kodak moment...feel me?..ok next question pleaz.

Chung Lao:  You seem to have a knack for funny stories/impressions.  Tell us one.

Eber:  well im workin on a novel. its about a blind racist, midwestern farmer that didnt like negroes. the story has a twist though, he doesnt know he's of negro desent. later in the story he gets told what he really is and he becomes devastated. at the end, he divorses his white wife. his reason for that was that his wife was a negro lover. i think its gonna be a hit...sike, im not doin that, i saw that on an episode of chapelle show (if anyone was offended by the story, a million apologies).

Chung Lao:  What passage from the Bible speaks to you the most?

Eber:  the passage that speaks to me the most would hav to be prov 15:1. a soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stirreth anger. it basicaly speaks for itself and it is so true!

Chung Lao:  Name someone you admire, and why.

Eber:  it woul hav to be my man, bill clinton. well, he prefers when you call him "bubba." sike, the person i really admire is, are you ready for this one? r kelly. im joking. on a serious note, the person i admire is joseph from the bible. he was tempted left and right to do things, but he overcame the temptations and was later rewarded by God with a position as 2nd in command.

Chung Lao:  Who is the funniest man alive?

Eber:  me. and i say it with confidence. jus playing. it would hav to be...well the funniest white man will hav to be will farrel. the funniest black man for me is jamie foxx.

Chung Lao:  What will you miss the most about the DC area?

Eber:  everything. the crack heads by the church liquor store, the violence, wakin up to gunshots n police sirens...the usual dc stuff.

Chung Lao:  What is your take on George W. Bush?  Will he beat John Kerry come November?

Eber:  the last time i commented on this, people started beefin with me. well, from the looks of it, kerry's high up there, but bush is a good person with good morals though...by the looks of things, the people might choose kerry.

Chung Lao:  Were you for/against the war in Iraq, and why.

Eber:  i was for, until they started beheading our men, but our men need to stay there a lil bit longer though to hold down some "peace." yea there might not be any right now, but they just need to hold it down for just a little bit more there. a lot could happen if they dont stay.

Chung Lao:  Name some countries you would like to visit, and why.

Eber:  uk mexico el salvador but right now id prefer to stay in the us, cause first terrorist were shankin pilots n crashing planes into towers, then planes were fallin apart n droppin out the sky in ny, so for right now id prefer to stay here.

Chung Lao:  Name your following favorites:

Eber:

A.     Restaurant: best city buffet up in silver spring
B.     Hair Product: Soul Glow, the jery curl activator..."jus let it shine"
C.     Toilet Tissue: cha, cha, cha,...Charmin
D.     Ice Cream: cookies n cream

E.      Car: anything with a bangin sound system and ac

F.      Food: got to b chinese

G.     Movie (and why): shaft 2000...cause a black man is the hero...& didnt die 1st.
Also. the movie Life, with eddie murphy and martin lawrence. they r the funniest
combination. i really dont know y they havnt done another movie together


Chung Lao:  What is the role of the man of the house?

Eber:  to be responsible and provide for his household.

Chung Lao:  What is the role of the woman of the house?

Eber:  you are asking the wrong guy here. of course the usual response a guy is going to automatically give is "cook n clean", but i dont think like most guys.  I'm going to say be caring, supportive, and provide with what she can.

Chung Lao:  What is something you can’t stand in a person?

Eber:  when a person is talking to you, and they hav a huge booger in their nose that looks like its magically suspended in mid nostril. and then they proceed to talk to as if every thing is normal. even when you motion to them. like u wipe your nose and all they say is, "huh?. then they wipe and it still just floats there. i also hate when it happens to me and the person who im talkin to wont tell me and just stares at the booger as if its gonna get up and do a flip or sumthing...i prefer when sumone is upfront and tells me. yea you're probly grossed out, but thats just me.

Chung Lao:  Will Farrel vs. Will Sasso.

Eber:  will farrel will kill will sasso in a impersonating contest anytime

Chung Lao:  Is there any cooking ability running through those Dominican veins?

Eber:  lets see...ramen's oodles of noodles, ham n cheese, hotdogs, penut butter n jelly, and pretty much anything canned and microwavble...yea thats pretty much it...lets not forget my moms leftovers, im preety good at reheating it. the only thing i know im pretty good at cooking is white rice.

Chung Lao:  Do you believe in using a splintered piece of plywood as the rod of correction?

Eber:  well when u hav a hispanic mother...u will believe that anything can b used as a "rod of correction" let me give u the list

1. belt
2. sandle (chancleta) she would say "buscame la chancleta"...it was then when I learned to dance.

3. a huge branch also known as a (barita)
4. broom
5. dust pan
6. hangar
7. electric cord
8. rulers

thats all ima give u for now cause new object come up every day...i dont get hit cause in my house its survival of the fittest...u got to run or u get hit...things fly in my house n u just got to learn how to doge them...or u just get hit...only my hispanic people r gonna get sum of the spanish though

Chung Lao:  Are we living in the End Times?

Eber:  yea we are...we definetely are

Chung Lao:  Ok.  You go to sleep one night.  When you wake up the next morning and look in the mirror, the following words come out of your mouth:  “Hold Up.”  The face looking back at you is that of one Freddy Adu.  You rub your eyes.  Nope.  Still Freddy Adu.  After searching around a little bit, you find a note on the bed which states: “TO CHANGE BACK, CLICK YOUR SHOES 4 TIMES.”  What do you do?

Eber:  id waste no time in clicking my heels...u see how ugly that man looks...his skills r preety good...but i dont wanna keep his looks man...wut would u do...im sure ud click yr heals also

Chung Lao:  Lastly, leave us with a parting thought.

Eber:  honor God in every thing you do and keep the fear of god in your life.

Chung Lao:  Thanks Eber.  Next up on The Tonight Show is Blessy Daniel.  Stay Tuned.


 

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