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An Interview with Sam John
Welcome to The Tonight Show I'm your host Chung Lao.

Sam John.  Old friend from the teenage mutant ninja turtle days.  Outspoken.  Intelligent.  Athletic.  Down to Earth.  Redskins fan.  Again I ask you, why would I interview this man?  Did I mention he is a Redskins fan.  Green Eggs and ham?

Posted on February 7, 2005


Chung Lao:  Sam, how’s it going man? 

Sam:  "I am not at liberty to discuss this topic unless it is a paid-interview situation."

Chung Lao:  My Son, what is your goal in life?

Sam:  You’re my father?!  Shocking…give me a moment to collect my thoughts........

My goal in life......?  I just want to be loved.

Chung Lao:  Who do people say you look like?

Sam:  Random Indian guys in the US, including but not limited to Supesh, Rupesh, Samgee, Sumgee, Ramikrishnan, Jayasinder, Sudhir, Sandeep, Paul, John…let’s face it, we all look alike. 

Chung Lao:  What do you think of IndaPhatFarm.com?

Sam:  I’ve always wondered…what does “indaphatfarm” really mean; is it Korean?  Anyways, that is besides the point…

I believe that IndaPhatFarm.com has great potential to spin-off into a matrimonial site…I’ll have my people contact your people Chung.  Can’t you see it?!…The tag line could be something like ”find that spicy kind of love In Da Phatfarm”…perfect!

Chung Lao:  Tell us about those skills in the kitchen man. 

Sam:  Skills?  I prefer “expertise”.  FYI: If you ever need an expert Placer of plates, cups, utensils, and pots (yes, even pots!...recently added to the repertoire) into the dishwasher, I’m your man.

Chung Lao:  Now that George Bush has been re-elected, give us your thoughts.

Sam:  I don’t discuss politics in open forums, especially with Benj lurking around in the HTML.

Chung Lao:  Describe your motivation for the recent "Melvin Motors" media clip from Nothing to Lose?

Sam:  First, I want to give thanks to my Lord and Savior; I could not have done any of this without Him.  My motivation to do this this scene came from the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to work with the world famous actor-extraordinaire Melvin (now of Melvin Motors fame).  Melvin took me under his wings and treated me like a long lost son while we were on set together.  He was a special person. 

As you can see in the clip, Melvin just makes the people around him better during scenes, and this really motivated me to step my game up and try to act at his level.  In the immortal words of Melvin, which rank up there with Arnold's "hasta la vista baby", this scene was truly a "fiiiiiine, fine piece of merchandise." 

Chung Lao:  Based on "Nothing to Lose" taking home 7 Golden Globes a few weeks back, what is your prediction come Oscar time?

Sam:  I think Hotel Rwanda will reign at the Oscars.

Chung Lao:  Finally, what have you learned from the "Nothing to Lose" filming experience?

Sam:  That's a great question, and it brings back memories. At the time, I was at a crossroads in my career. My mind was telling me to pursue a position as a Consultant, but my heart was screaming out to pursue roles on the big screen. I didn't want fame, I didn't want fortune, I didn't even want my own butler, I just wanted to act in those movies that influenced the kids in a positive way...to be a role model and show them the difference between good and bad...you know, because it's all about the kids.

So when Nothing to Lose came along, I thought it would be a great opportunity to showcase my talents, and maybe even lead to my big break. And best of all...Nothing to Lose is for the kids (I think).

Chung Lao:  Does W’s re-election hinder or help in the war on terror?

Sam:  Who is this Terror you speak of?  See above – no comment.

On a side-note, I think the phrase “war on terror” is an over-commercialized, bordering on foolish, term.  What does it even mean?  Imagine asking a soldier in Iraq who they are fighting…you think he’ll say “I am fighting the terror”?

On side-note #2, working within the Intelligence Community has opened my eyes to the fact that no one man (a President, a CIA director, whomever) will be influential in protecting our country from terrorist attacks.  The entire Intelligence Community must reform, and if they don’t, this nation’s intelligence gathering capability will continue to suffer and will remain in serious risk.

Chung Lao:  List your favorites: 

Sam: 

            A.  Car(s): BMW Z4

            B.  Shampoo: Anything that makes my hair tingle.   

            C.  Fish: Salmon

            D.  Food: Pizza

            E.  Sports Team: Redskins

            F.  Book(s):  Hooked on Phonics…it worked for me!

            G.  Vacation Spot:  The right side of my bed.

            H.  Restaurant: Don’t have a favorite

            I.  Cologne:  Curve 

Chung Lao:  What is your take on arranged marriages? 

Sam:  Hmmmm, my take?...I’ll take a: 

5’3’’-5’5’’ Indian (Malayalee recommended)

Medium-toned (Disclaimer: equal opportunity husband, no discrimination among skin tones)

Long black hair (curly preferred)

Blessed with the Holy Spirit at least by the age of 15 (gift of tongues preferred)

Degree in Home Economics (concentration in craft-making preferred with double minor in chicken curry preparation and sewing required) 

My bad, I got carried away.   

Everyone has their own destiny…for some it is arranged marriage, for others it is the infamous “lowe” marriage, and yet for others it is no marriage.  It has all been pre-ordained; people just need to make sure to follow God’s plan instead of taking matters into their own hands. 

Chung Lao:  What is your take on interracial marriages? 

Sam:  "I see no reason what an interracial marriage can't be a person's destiny..."

Chung Lao:  Describe your ideal wife. 

Sam:  "see above." 

Please contact my parents at www.findsamawife.com if you qualify.

Chung Lao:  Name someone you admire and why?

Sam:  " Ok, be honest...how many of you clicked on the link?"

This is the only question where I can talk about my nephew Nathaniel J. Thomas (Nate) and sneak in a pic of him, so here goes...   

I admire my newborn nephew Nathaniel J. Thomas,  For what it is worth, he poops, cries, and smiles like no other.  

Chung Lao:  Miami Heat vs. LA Lakers, 2004-2005 season.  Shaq vs. Kobe.  Give us your thoughts. 

Sam:  Hmmmm, this is a good question.  After extensive analysis I believe in my deepest of deepest hearts that the Miami Heat will overcome a 42 point effort of execution by Kobe Bryant to beat the Lakers 104-102 in OT.   

On side note #3,  I don’t appreciate adulterers, even if they do buy large purple rings.  I wish I could say the same for Vanessa….women, who knows what they are thinking sometimes?!!! 

Chung Lao:  If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 

Sam:  Some people say I can never be serious, and that I joke around too much.  But the people that really understand me, know I get serious when the situation calls for seriousness…I can get deep on you real quick, like “what is the meaning of life?” deep.  

Chung Lao:  List one of your favorite passages from the Bible.

Sam:  Romans 8:28 

Chung Lao:  What is something you can’t stand in a person? 

Sam:  A judging mentality. 

Chung Lao:  Using Microsoft Paint, please draw us a picture. 

Sam:  I went to Home Depot, and the paint experts behind the counter said they weren’t aware Microsoft made paint…buh-DUM-tishhhh. 

Chung Lao:  Are we living in the End Times? 

Sam:  Seems like we’ve been living in the End Times ever since Jesus was raptured. 

Chung Lao:  Name some countries you would like to visit and why? 

Sam:  N. Korea – I want to free the people of N. Korea from communism, and rid the nation of nuclear weapons. 

S. Korea – I figure it would be the closest and safest place I could go after an episode in N. Korea.  Plus, I have a friend in Seoul that I’ve been wanting to visit. 

Australia (again) – everyone is so laidback out there.  No matter what happens, they are always like “no worries, mate” 

Alaska – people tell me that it’s not really that cold there, but I have to feel it to believe it. 

Chung Lao:  Define the ideal church, even if it’s not realistic. 

Sam:  The ideal church is one in which its believers have overcome their human nature and replaced it with Christ’s nature. 

Chung Lao:  If a Draft is imposed for the ongoing “war” in Iraq, and you were drafted.  Is it off to Canada or Fallujah for one Samuel John? 

Sam:  Samuel John?  Who is this Samuel John you speak of?  

I would go wherever the Army require that I go. 

Chung Lao:  Give us your take on the Washington Redskins under Joe Gibbs thus far.  Also give us your Super Bowl Pick. 

Sam:  See my painting in regards to Joe Gibbs…your heard it here first, Super Bowl next year.

Chung Lao:  All right.  You enter a staff meeting at Booz-Allen, set up your presentation, and you think to yourself, “Man, it’s chilly in here.”  Upon further investigation you realize you are butt naked.  What do you do? 

Sam:  Scan the room to gauge the reaction on people’s faces…if people seem intrigued, I continue on with the presentation and use it to my advantage.  If people look disgusted, I promptly wake myself up from the nightmare. 

Chung Lao:  Lastly, leave us with a parting thought. 

Sam:  Thanks for interviewing me.  It has given me an opportunity to discover the true me. 

If you can’t walk the talk, then don’t talk the talk until you can talk and walk, if you know what I mean.

Chung Lao:  Thanks Sam.  Next up on The Tonight Show is Jason Dering, from the band, 'Barefoot.'  Stay tuned in for that.


 

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