Holding on to Cultural Identity By Roshin Philipu Posted on June 24th, 2002 Intercultural marriages. And I'm not talking about East Indians marrying Americans, let's get closer to home than that, East Indians marrying East Indians. How about Malayalee's marrying non-Malayalee's . Recently, a friend of mine was in the middle of this very interesting scenario. A friend of the family kindly offered a link/hookup/helping hand to change his single status. The prospective girl in question was not a Malayalee. Here was the suggestion on a silver platter, did my friend want to take a stab? His thought, was he'd rather not. So that was that. However, the mere suggestion provided good fodder for conversation and debates. One American-born Indian, felt that seeing as we've grown up in America, it really doesn't matter whether we marry Malayalee's or not. After all, over all, we're Indians, and that's what matters, and in daily life, will it really make a difference where our parents were born? Yet another Malayalee, born and raised in India, asked specifically where the prospective was from, and upon hearing it, exclaimed emphatically, that such a match would be difficult, the cultures are so different. When asked to expound, all sorts of reasons came out - everything from the care of infants, to how they worshipped, to traditions at home, to the standard of cleanliness. Easy to look at those two opinions and pass it off on...well one is traditional, one is not. So, we continued to run it by our Indian friends, FOB's and ABCD's alike. It soon became evident that although most of the people questioned were of the younger generation, and supposedly open-minded, the vast majority felt it was wise to stay within the Malayalee culture. Apparently, it doesn't have much to do with where one is raised, but much more to do with where one's family has come from. It's interesting, that even if two young people were raised in the US, or anywhere outside India, it still makes a great difference where their parent's were raised. One wonders, will the next generation be affected as much by where the grandparents were raised? At that point, will we just be thankful that our children are even marrying Indians? Or will the strong ties of culture, and Malayalee tradition still have pull? Personally, I respect the idea of trying to retain our cultural identity. Hopefully, we'll be able to do just that. Roshin Philipu and his family reside in Greyburg, TX. Roshin likes this website and will probably write articles for Chung Lao's superb newpaper. You can e-mail him at roshinphilipu@yahoo.com.	_______________________________________________________ The Will of God By MC Truth Posted on July 18th, 2002 The issue to be dealt with in Bob and Mary’s situation isn’t race, or what rights her father does or does not have. Their choice to live together now, before marriage, is what needs to be challenged. Their present lifestyle is not pleasing in the sight of God, and if they continue living as they are, and enter into marriage, they will be doing so without God’s blessing. Without that foundation, the likelihood is that their marriage may be weak and might even end. If that does happen, the cause might then be attributed by some to the fact that Bob is black and Mary Indian. Both Bob and Mary have to realize that what has happened in the past, and what they are planning for their future does not justify the sin they are living in now. MC Truth obviously wants to remain anonymous. Leave your comments for him/her on the Message Board. Bob and Mary By Chung Lao Posted on June 24th, 2002 (This is a True Story (Disclaimer)- The people I am talking about in this column are not featured on this site ANYWHERE.) Someone i know is getting married. We will identify the groom as Bob, and his fiancee as Mary. Bob and Mary are very excited about getting married. Getting the best men and bridesmaids fitted, working out the details at the church itself, getting the wedding invites out, picking the right food, and on and on they plan. The wedding itself is supposed to be a happy time, but things are anything but peachy. Mary's parents refuse to come to the wedding. In fact, they have never seen Bob b/c they refuse to. Why is that you ask? Bob is black, and Mary is indian. Ahhhhhh, now it makes sense eh? When Mary went and told her parents of her intention to marry Bob, they freaked. They kicked her out of the house. Pretty standard procedure when it comes to indians dealing with these things. Mary then moved in with Bob. Mary's father is adamant about not attending the wedding, while her mother has recently agreed to attend only the wedding. This was understandably very hard on Mary. Her mother has begun to mellow somewhat, in that she will only visit Mary when Bob is not around. This is just the tip of the iceberg, lets get to Mary's dad. Now to say this guy is mad is a HUGE understatement. This man is pissed off. He has vowed never to speak to his daughter again. As her father he has a right to tell her this, right? But wait, theres more. Mary's father has had an extra-marital affair. Whoa. I'm completely serious here. This indian man has been with another woman while he was married. Now that you know that tidbit...Does he have a right to talk? Lets move on. Bob is not some bum or player off the street who saw a fly indian chick and decided to make a move. Bob has a college degree, is working, owns his own home and car. Mary is in grad school... Bob has the ability to take care of Mary. So the father can't bring any argument about that... Roshin over on the left believes in preserving cultural heritage, while Ms. Pink over on the right provides the counter point. What should Bob/Mary do? Does Mary's father have a right to criticize? How should they handle this tense situation? Here is what I think. I really don't believe Mary's father has a right to criticize. He forfeited that right the day he decided to drop his kylee for another woman. That being said, he is still her father, and she will never have another. So in my opinion, Bob and Mary should proceed as planned with their wedding, and pray for a future reconciliation. There is no easy answer, perhaps in time, wounds can be healed. Now, what do you think? - Chris I am Chung Lao. Questions? Comments? Hit me up at chunglao@hotmail.com.	A License to Love By Ms. Pink Posted on June 25th, 2002 True love, like good art, is rare and priceless. Judging a person because they fall in love with someone from a different class, race, or religion is not anyone's job. We as a society need to accept things outside of the social norm and learn from it. Love is not understood or appreciated until experienced; with that, I tell you my story and share my thoughts. About eight months ago, I met "Andrew." Andrew and I became friends, and one thing led to another and 2 months later, he not only became my boyfriend, but one of my best friends. He treats me with respect and honor, and showed me what love is. He is unique, classy, and a beautiful soul to me; without a doubt, I found my soulmate. He placed a promise ring on my finger and wore a matching one to let me know he would always be there and love me. I never loved a guy other than my father until I met him, so I know he is special. I thank God for blessing me with such a wonderful person. I am so lucky, right? Well up until now, you probably think I am. There is one problem, not with us, but with society. We are two different races. I could put it the way a lot of others see it, one is darker than the other is. We are both Christians, brought up in good homes, and were taught to love one another. Which brings me to my point, generally everyone is taught to "love thy neighbor," but it seems that there is a color contract with that commandment to some. We accept other races until they step into each other's territory. We do not see hearts in love; we see different colors in love. We get jealous and angry that one of "us" is with a different race. We need to grow up and respect people's choices. Whom you choose to love is your choice: not your parents, friends, or anyone's. There should not be a boundary because one is different from the other. If I chose to marry Andrew, and my parents cannot accept us, then they do not see me as an educated woman and do not have confidence in me. If they do not like his color, then they are not the people that raised me to love everyone. I am not asking for their permission, but their acceptance, and if that’s a problem, maybe its best that they learn to love again and re-evaluate their love and respect for me. In Mary's case, I am happy that she is still marrying her boyfriend although her parents object. Its interesting how her father is so against her marriage, but does not even know what his is about when he cheats. I will listen to the advice that everyone gives me about what I am getting into out of respect. I will not follow anything that says he is lower than I am, different from me, or separate from me. I would love everyone to accept us, but if that is an issue, than they are not meant to be a part of us. We are two hard working individuals that respect others, so is it not fair that they respect us? Ms. Pink is a special writer for this site. She is highly opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. She is not related, and wants to remain anonymous. If you have any comments or questions for Ms. Pink, use the Board, or e-mail me, and I will relay the message.